what i crave.

I crave feeling good

I crave feeling forgetful of who I am. I want to obliterate the thinking mind. The one that talks to me incessantly about this or that

I crave feeling full. full of love full of joy full of inspiration

I crave stillness and quiet and peacefulness

I crave feeling enlightened

I crave being wild at heart

I crave depth

I crave connection

I crave feeling at one with

I crave being outside. in the woods by the ocean on a mountain

I crave knowing god.

Those are the things I crave; not alcohol.

The illusion of alcohol has me believe it will deliver on some of those cravings.

But I can find all of those things without it- it’s actually so much more possible now, sober, to fulfill those cravings.

Now it’s all real. All the time.

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4 thoughts on “what i crave.

  1. We all crave these things, and yet the insanity of our addiction will tell us that we can find them in alcohol and drugs. And it may work at first. We feel elation, or connection with others, or a greater sense of self. But they are illusions in the end, and we get further from those things we crave. For me, that’s the spiritual malady at work. You describe it so well! These are the things our souls crave and now that we are sober and in recovery, we start to find those things. We see them and work for them. It’s a beautiful thing.

    Love the post…thank you.

    Paul

    • Hey Paul! I love what you say there- “they are illusions in the end, and we get further from those things we crave”. That is exactly it. Always searching for the high but getting lower and lower in the meantime. I now feel like I am finding the things my soul craves. Not all the time and there’s still lots of ups and downs, but at least it feels true and real. Thanks for your comment!

  2. what a wonderful post. thank you, Clearlee. it really spoke to me this morning with a tough day ahead…

    have you come across what C S Lewis called ‘The Argument from Desire’? in which he posits that the craving which you describe so well, to know a Higher Power (labelled God by Lewis, here) is in itself evidence of the existence of that Higher Power? Lewis says:

    “Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” (Mere Christianity, Bk. III, chap. 10, “Hope”)

    more here on the inter-action between modern neurology and the Argument from Desire, if you’re interested (thought this article might appeal to you!) http://www.strangenotions.com/neurology-and-c-s-lewis-argument-from-desire/

    we are all better equipped to satisfy all the desires you describe sober – not the least of which is to meet our spiritual hungers in whatever way feels right to us.

    love to you! Prim xxx

    • Hi Prim! Woah- I wasn’t aware of CS Lewis’ work in this area and it is SO interesting. Very academic-y and cool. I love his basic premise. Every desire has a home. That is an fascinating thought… sometimes I feel desire but not sure what for- like a hunger of sorts. Makes me think I just need to keep exploring until I find what it is I am innately drawn to crave. That turns life into a great adventure. Lots of love to you too! xoxo

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