My British blogging buddies could more aptly explain what this term means, I’m sure. Wikipedia says it means a politician jumping on the band wagon of a popular idea, and Urban Dictionary says it means going out drinking and singing after a day of protesting.

So, I don’t know. Anyone?

Even if it means going out drinking after a day of protest, the hit 90’s song Tubthumping by Chumbawamba came on this morning on my way to work (on “Throwback Thursday”- yikes- the 90’s is considered a throwback era. I am officially getting old), and I found that I couldn’t stop thinking about part of the chorus all day. In a good way.

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

Even if the song then goes on to talk about pissing the night away with vodka and whisky drinks, this first part of it just kept playing over and over again in my head. I was extremely hungover when I was driving to work. I felt like I was dying inside. My stomach has been hurting all day, and, not for the first time, I wondered if I am actually doing permanent damage to my internal organs. I looked like I’ve aged about 10 years in the last couple of weeks of on and off again drinking, and I feel like a shell of my former self. I worry that people at work are gong to smell stale booze on me. Which would be pretty bad, because, well, I work in the healthcare field. I quite often see people that have done permanent and serious damage to their bodies and their minds with chronic alcohol use. Some of these people are not very old. Some are in their 30’s. Like me.

I went for a walk on my lunch break and for the first time that I can remember, I contemplated having a drink before heading back to work. Now, I’ve had a drink during the day before, but I’ve never been a day time drinker, except for maybe on vacation, or in my big partying days when I stayed up all night and through to the next afternoon drinking and drugging. So thinking about drinking during a work day was new for me. I thought maybe it would make me feel better, more relaxed, or lighten my mood. Then I realized what I was thinking about and I understood that the possibility of me taking the next step down this path of destruction is quite real.

As a highly functioning drinker, it’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t really have a problem. Or that you do have a problem, but it’s not very serious. But I never saw myself, where I am today, five years ago. And I don’t know that this problem of mine won’t take me to even worse places. Maybe I will start to drink at work to help me through the day. Maybe I will lose my job or my relationships. Maybe I will get cirrhosis of the liver. Maybe I will die of alcohol poisoning. Or, maybe I will get so tired of this battle that I’ll mix a bottle of pills with my booze and overdose.

I think that those are all possible scenarios. This is real. This is scary shit.

 

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tubthumping and drinking at work.

4 thoughts on “tubthumping and drinking at work.

  1. I never used to see a problem with day drinking because I work night shifts. I used it as my excuse. And I loved that I could sleep my hangover off all day before work. I hated when I actually worked day shift and would go to work with booze seeping from my pores. I never lost a job from drinking but I was prevented jobs due to my DUIs. It is a serious problem and I am thankful I stopped.

    • Thanks for your reply, 365. It’s amazing how over time these problem behaviours can become normal to us. We justify it in our minds and it makes sense. You’re right, it is a serious problem. I’m glad I haven’t gotten there but I am starting to see that I could get there if I don’t stop drinking.

  2. hey lovely. you are right. this is not a game, is it? this is our lives we are deciding how to live. and these are our choices. one of my favourite mantras is ‘I can spend the rest of my life drinking and wishing I was sober, or the rest of my life sober, occasionally wishing I could have a drink.’ it is up to us. how amazing that this huge life enhancing change is completely at our own decision – hard as hell but so so worth it! hugs to you xxx

  3. I love your mantra! So true. There’s pretty much the two choices at this point, isn’t there. It’s not like I can drink and enjoy it anymore. Maybe for an hour but then it just gets nasty. So it is choosing to drink and hating it, or choosing to get sober with it’s ups and downs. It sounds so simple but it is so hard to get there. I know it will be worth it though and thank you for the reminder! xo

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