the tipping point.

I’ve always loved Anais Nin and her writing. She had a special kind of insight into the soul. When I was younger I used to read her journals and imagine myself as her, writing and loving and living creatively. This quote has always been one of my favourites. Someone else posted a quote the other day that reminds me of this Nin quote. Basically that one will become sober when not being sober just becomes too painful. I think we all have our own tipping points. Maybe that is a better expression than “hitting bottom”. I know that there are different kind of bottoms (high and low and rock) but at the same time I’ve always struggled with the concept. I’ve never been totally convinced that I’ve reached one. I can see how wolfie and the addiction never lets me believe that I have hit a bottom. And not feeling as though I’ve reached a hard bottom is something that has kept me drinking.

But tipping point is something that resonates with me a bit more. I’ve reached that point where continuing to drink is much more painful than staying sober. Staying locked in the cycle (tight in the bud) and what I will risk losing in my life has finally become harder than risking the fear of the unknown in sobriety (the risk to bloom).

I don’t know what my life will look like if I am sober for 100 days, 6 months, or a year or two. But I really want to find out. I am certain that it will be better than the quality of life I had before. It is hard and I do feel bored, boring, scared and anxious. But all of those feelings are better than the alternative.

Happy Sunday, bloomers!

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the tipping point.

5 thoughts on “the tipping point.

  1. Thanks! I went with a new theme for the blog. Felt like a change I guess 🙂
    Being sober is hard! Had a hard night tonight not drinking. Went for dinner with a friend and I just felt uncomfortable and distracted thinking about wanting wine all night. Ugh. I am just hanging on to hope that this gets easier!!

  2. yes. it does get easier. I would have to be a superhero to get to five months if it didn’t. and I am not a superhero. it is very much like grief in its intensity. you can’t mourn at that first intensity of loss for a long period of time. if you can just (a) stick at it and (b) not fall off the wagon by accident, it WILL get easier. keep going, you are doing so well!!! xx

    • That’s an interesting comparison, the intensity of early sobriety to grief. It is grieving and letting go, isn’t it? And in my experience what helps the most in grieving is time, time, time. And taking care of yourself. And being with loved ones. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster! I was better a week ago than I am today. I think I need to re-focus on taking it one day at a time. I’ve been wallowing on never being able to drink again and I think nuts been throwing me for a loop. Thanks for your words of encouragement!

  3. OMG! The quote in this post that states “one will become sober when not being sober just becomes too painful” struck such a chord in me, I just burst out crying after I read that. That’s exactly where I feel I am right now. In pain from the guilt and shame and hating myself that I can’t control my drinking but I keep telling myself I’m fine. I’m not. I stopped for 3 whole weeks in August (which was the longest I’ve gone without alcohol in too long to remember). I had to get blood work done and was terrified what my liver result would show. As the 3 weeks went by, it got easier and I was really proud of myself. Well the day after my blood work was my husband’s birthday so surely we can go out and have a few drinks to celebrate right? Well, since then my drinking has gotten even worse. My tolerance is high so I drink more and more and keep telling myself every excuse under the sun to make myself feel okay about it. I am so DONE with this. I am sorry for going on and on. I just need to once and for all admit I CANNOT socially drink. I can’t control it, period. Thanks for your blog. Reading about other people’s struggles does help.

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