I’ve always loved Anais Nin and her writing. She had a special kind of insight into the soul. When I was younger I used to read her journals and imagine myself as her, writing and loving and living creatively. This quote has always been one of my favourites. Someone else posted a quote the other day that reminds me of this Nin quote. Basically that one will become sober when not being sober just becomes too painful. I think we all have our own tipping points. Maybe that is a better expression than “hitting bottom”. I know that there are different kind of bottoms (high and low and rock) but at the same time I’ve always struggled with the concept. I’ve never been totally convinced that I’ve reached one. I can see how wolfie and the addiction never lets me believe that I have hit a bottom. And not feeling as though I’ve reached a hard bottom is something that has kept me drinking.
But tipping point is something that resonates with me a bit more. I’ve reached that point where continuing to drink is much more painful than staying sober. Staying locked in the cycle (tight in the bud) and what I will risk losing in my life has finally become harder than risking the fear of the unknown in sobriety (the risk to bloom).
I don’t know what my life will look like if I am sober for 100 days, 6 months, or a year or two. But I really want to find out. I am certain that it will be better than the quality of life I had before. It is hard and I do feel bored, boring, scared and anxious. But all of those feelings are better than the alternative.
Happy Sunday, bloomers!