I kinda like horoscopes. I don’t read mine religiously by any means or take it very seriously, but I’ve always felt somewhat connected to my sign (Gemini- the “twin” sign, which I have always taken to mean dual personalities or being of “two minds”. Makes sense in light of addiction, doesn’t it?) and I’ve had fun interpreting the predictions and making sense of them. About a year ago I came across this horoscope, and I have kept it on my dresser ever since-
Ray LaMontagne sings these lyrics in his tune “Empty”: “I looked my demons in the eyes. Laid bare my chest and said, ‘Do your best to destroy me. I’ve been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me.'” I wouldn’t be opposed to you delivering a message like that to your own demons, Gemini- with one caveat: Leave out the “Do your best to destroy me” part. Simply peer into the glazed eyes of those shabby demons and say, “You bore me and I’m done with you. Bye bye.” And then walk away from them for good.
Isn’t that good? I’m sure you all can relate to those words, gemini or not. The thing that gets me about this maddening cycle of drinking is- one the one hand, I’m afraid my life will be “boring” without drinking alcohol, but, maintaining the cycle of drinking, being hungover, and hating myself for it, is literally the most boring thing I can think of. I think what keeps me in it is that I’m afraid to see what life is like without booze- sure maybe it will be a little bit quieter, a little more calmer, less rollercoasterish on a day to day basis, but what about all of the amazing things I will be able to do now that I am not drunk or hungover? I think part of me is afraid of failure. At least when I’m boozing I have an excuse not to do something great with my life and try to achieve all my goals. But sober? What if I’m not so great after all? What if I still don’t achieve what I want to do… what’s my excuse then?
Wait. I’m having a lightbulb moment: I just realized that those thoughts about risking failure are wolfie too. The inner saboteur. Well played, wolfie, well played. But, I’m on to you…
Listen up, wolfie: You bore me and I’m done with you. Bye Bye.